Renegades
by StarBlooded
Summary: The Sniper and the Spy, the Red and the Blu, the dirty bushman and the fancy wuss... have actually fallen into a happy and fulfilling relationship, despite the hardships of being on the opposite sides of a hellish war. But when they slip up and the secret gets out, they suddenly find themselves as lovers on the run from one of the most insane companies in the world. Road trip!


"Shut yer gab for a moment. I think 'e's comin' back around."

Spy paused, only slightly insulted, and pushed off the wall to stand beside the man who was winking into the scope and gripping the gleaming wooden stock. He followed his gaze out the dusky window to the far side of the red-controlled point, where a blue level 2 dispenser was peeking from behind a metal-siding wall. Vague tinkering and texan mumbling could be heard from the area, and Spy closely watched the stillness of Sniper's muscles as he sat poised and unmoving for a full minute. He was starting to think the marksman was mistaken, when suddenly a pair of clumsy hands appeared to fiddle with the dispenser— the sharp inhale that Sniper took was audible, and Spy's eyes snapped down to the rifle's trigger, body tensed in anticipating the crack that made his nerves jolt and tingle...

But then the Blu Engineer mosied off again, back to the rest of the nest that was stationed behind the wall. Sniper sniffed and waited another minute, then lowered his rifle with a mutter and popped his stiff fingers. Spy let his gaze trail off as he took a long drag of his cigarette, silently sharing the disappointment.

"Ah, buggah… This damn bulb-head's trying my patience."

"I'd still suggest that you ignore him and move up, Monsieur. He's obviously not interested in capturing."

Sniper scratched at his stubble and sat back against the dusty crates, rifle still balanced in his lap.

"Could hit 'is dispenser and lure 'im out, though that might bring the whole calvary… You know, I didn' take yoar Engineer for cheap shots. 'specially since we ain't been losing bodies..."

Spy shrugged and tucked his cigarette case back in his pocket before coming behind the sniper and laying a hand on his shoulder, assuming the shot was ruined. Sniper huffed a grumble but leaned into his touch, and Spy positioned himself so the Aussie was lounged against his hip.

"We are desperate, I think, after our losing streak. Capturing the first two points so quickly lifted our spirits, and if our Engineer is not concerned with directly defending second, we must be doing well ourselves… I would suggest you move up."

Sniper exhaled and propped his feet up on the window sill as he dilemmaed. He'd been sitting here for the last hour-and-a-half after Blu caught A and B in a rush, deciding to hold up the last point while his team struggled to win back mid. He'd been focusing on the chokes the whole while, in case someone tried to slip through, but then this damn Engineer showed up looking for easy spawn-kills…

"Can't just let this buggah sit here with 'is head still attached, though…"

"That would be a job for your Spy, non? Or your Solduer or Demoman, _pas pour toi._ Even if you did take him out, his nest would remain. He is actually doing less harm sitting back here."

Sniper frowned in his indecision, then sighed and crossed his arms and cradled his head against Spy, hat slipping to the ground.

"Guess yer roight, mate…"

Spy snickered softly and leaned down to nuzzle against the Bushman's neck, causing the Aussie's cheeks to flush subtly. Sniper hummed and raised his hand to cup Spy's face, but the bloody backstabber caught it with a kiss.

"I'm trying to help you, you know…"

"Dun' need yoar damn help," Sniper muttered in a hostiless tone. Spy smiled and nipped at Sniper's ear unexpectedly, which caused the man beneath him to jolt. Spy only laughed as Sniper's cheeks flushed deeper.

"Fine, mon ami. I should return to the field anyway. Shall we meet here, after?"

Spy pulled from the sniper and stood and flipped open his cigarette case while Sniper sat up to pack his gear, deciding to listen to the handsome snake's advice.

"Works for me. Still got an hour, if neither team pulls through."

Sniper picked up his kukri to tuck into his belt before he strode over to the waiting devil with a floundering gaze. Spy smirked and waited patiently for the marksman to approach and embrace him. Sniper was always sheepish with his goodbyes.

"You got any plans tonoight?"

Spy tipped up to press a short kiss on Sniper's cheek, then pulled back and glanced at his watch.

"We'll figure that out later, Monsieur. We sh—"

Suddenly there was a cacophony of explosions, gunfire, and screaming. Sniper swiveled around to see whirs of blue swarm through the chokes he'd been so carefully guarding. _"Our control point is being captured!"_ Sentry fire, more screams, and cries of triumph.

 _ **"You failed!"**_

Before Sniper could push past his panic to react, there was a leathered hand snapped around his throat that choked his yelp. The strangling grip at his neck kept him from recoiling from the familiar knife that was slipped under his vest.

"Aw, a shame for you, mon cher. I suppose I will see you tonight, then. _Je t'aime."_

Then he was tossed to the floor as his lungs flooded with blood. With his last gurgling wheeze, he watched Spy wink and shimmer into nothing.

…..

Since one of the buses broke down two months ago, there'd been an agreement that losers had to find their own way back to base. And seeing that the artillery trucks were long gone by the time they retreated and they were out in BFE with no road but the one they came in on, it looked like it'd be a walk. A sweltering, unhalting, 10 mile walk with all of their equipment in tow. He understood now why Blu had been so desperate to win this time.

Although, the Aussie was faring much better than the others. He actually felt alright as he took up the back, content with gazing around the New Mexico landscape and rubbing down his rifle under the shade of his hat. It almost felt like home. The others, meanwhile, looked like they were about to keel over and melt as they rapidly passed water flasks around and tied various clothing around their heads. Medic's paranoia wasn't helping, as he constantly reminded everyone of the symptoms and effects of heat stroke and dehydration.

"Can we take a break? I don't know if I can make it, man. Does respawn reach out here? What if we get lost or somethin'? We're almost half outta water…"

The rest of the team seemed to agree with Scout's suggestion, throwing their weapons on the dusty ground and following them with a flop. Sniper sighed to himself as he was forced to join, cradling his rifle in his lap. They'd all get home a lot sooner without these breaks…

Medic ran to fret over Scout, who had fallen to the ground dramatically.

"How much further? Maybe ya could leave me here n' pick me up later? Really Doc, I think I'm dyin' here…"

Sniper chuckled to himself in thought as he pulled a small bag of jerky out of his pack.

 _I've drank my own piss to survive before, mate. You'll make it another seven miles_.

"You should have been supporting us in the back rather than defending an empty point, Monsieur Sniper."

Sniper jumped at the voice, and for the barest moment thought his Blu had followed him out here and his team was about to get a hell of a surprise. But then his brain reconnected, and confused panic turned to lead dread and annoyance. He shuffled around to meet the dirty, sweaty "gentleman," who was glowering at him with his cigarette defeatedly limp in his dry lips. How the hell this buggah could be technically genetically identical to his Spy, he'd never comprehend.

He grunted as he registered Spy's accusation.

"Didn't want anyone sneaking back. Thought the lot of yah could fight for yourselves. Was wrong, apparently."

Spy's eyes only narrowed at the venom in Sniper's voice. He sniffed and pulled at the edges of his damp mask, and Sniper returned his attention to his jerky, hoping the conversation was over.

 _Why's this bloke gotta come bother me? Surprised he didn't order in an express flight back to base, honestly…_ The thought made him smirk.

"Their Medic was sitting in the back," Spy continued, and Sniper rolled his eyes. "No one could touch him, then his Ubercharge was what rolled us. It was _your_ job to take him out."

Sniper frowned and adjusted his glasses up his nose. He wasn't too fond of anyone criticizing his work, 'specially a bloke who pranced around with a tiny knife all day. Maybe Spy figured he'd be the least likely of the group to sock 'im under the hot desert sun, but he was wrong.

" _My_ job? You couldn't sneak past their lines? No one could take a higher position? And you know, their Engineer was nested all comfy-like at the last point. Didn't see your mug around doing _your_ job."

Spy sneered at him, and Sniper's fingers twitched.

"You hung back to catch sneakers, yet you let the Engineer set up on the point _you_ were guarding?"

Sniper swallowed down a dry bit of jerky. Y'know, Scout had a good question earlier. Would respawn catch 'em out here if he knocked Spook's lights out? Mm, he had enough on his record as it was…

"Couldn't get a clear shot. 'N I expected that someone else, like _you,_ would pick 'im off easier than I could. Again, guess I was wrong."

Spy muttered something to the equivalent of "pathetic" under his shit-stained nose and, thank god, plucked another cigarette as he stalked off to bother someone else. Sniper shot daggers in his back as he chewed on his snack.

"Ole' Snobby givin' you trouble?"

Sniper looked up a minute later as he was approached again, but this time he grew a smile instead of a frown.

"Ah, 'e's all bark n' no bite, mate."

"Yeah, well, think we're all feelin' snappy after that loss…"

Engineer grunted as he took a seat by Sniper, kicking up a bit of dust. Sniper offered a piece of jerky, and the Texan took it gratefully to chew with Sniper in thought.

Engineer would probably be the second best off in this heat after Sniper, having grown up in a related environment. And he was probably 'bout the only soul he'd tolerate right now, as Spy's comments still seethed in his skin.

Engie's chuckling brought his attention back to Scout, who was currently being slung over Heavy's shoulder and fanned by a frantic Medic. Sniper joined in with a wheezy laugh.

"Look at these damn yellow-bellies… You'd think they'd never been under the sun for more than an hour b'fore, not fightin' wars in New Mexico for over four years…"

"Yeah, well, looks like 'bout any man's turned 'elpless when y' take 'is air-conditioned bus away…"

Engie chuckled again, but then grew serious.

"Can't say much for myself, though. Wasn't much help since we were going offensive, then the damn Sniper took me out right b'fore the push… Guess it was a small mercy though, I just missed the massacre."

Engie rubbed at his stubble as Sniper listened with vague interest. Then they noticed the rest of the team standing, and Sniper helped the engineer to his feet and shrugged his pack back on. Engie continued to walk along with him, apparently intent on keeping him company. Sniper decided he was glad for it, among all these whinin' wimps.

"The bastard backstabber left me alone all day, which was a blessing… But I guess that implies he was messin' with you the whole time."

 _You dun' know half of it, mate._ Sniper suddenly felt a pang of heaviness in his chest, and he adjusted his glasses again. He and Engineer used to bond over their shared hatred for the "stupid, bloody Spook." Now the thought made his throat tight…

"Yeah, but 'e wasn't much trouble. Jus' like ours, all bark n' no bite. Hardly landed a blow on me, so I guess it was worth keepin' 'im from botherin' yah."

He suddenly caught a ghost sensation of _a sharp knife pressed against his spine and a gloved hand at his neck, his pulse racing, something so familiar in both love and fear, his body was so unsure of how to react, before—_ He shuddered and hugged his arms across his chest, fingers digging into his biceps.

"Eh, gotta be honest, I enjoy crackin' that priss' skull," Engie brought him back to focus. "How were things on your end?"

Their conversation continued on for a few minutes, before they dropped off in a comfortable silence. He was still quietly laughing at the fainted Scout hung over Heavy's shoulder, while trying to shrug off those ghost sensations that decided to haunt him.

About half an hour later, five and a half miles to go, a truck driver showed up with an empty semitrailer on their road. While he was a bit flabbergasted by the sight of nine color-coordinated men carrying military weapons through the desert, he was obliged to allow them to take up his trailer back to the base, for a good sum of money on their part and a lack of questions on his. Engineer sat in the truck to give directions, and the rest huddled in the back of the dim container, one door left open to let in light and air. Sniper decided to pass out the rest of his food rations to his mates in good faith, although Spy refused to so much as touch his "filthy bushmeat." His portion, along with the still-passed-out Scout's, was happily distributed among the other members.

They came to a stop about 10 minutes later. The crew hopped out the back and onto the simmering asphalt road, and the driver was given $250 out of their emergency funds. He roared away, and the team headed up the beaten dirt path that led to the gates of their base. The snoozing guard was awakened to let them through, and finally they were home.

Not that anyone was too thrilled about that, however, besides the chance to get out of the sun and sit. Their "home" for the past three months was essentially an un-airconditioned two-story shack, that was about 10 sizes too small for eight rambunctious men with guns. Only Medic and Engineer had their own space, the other five crammed between two small bedrooms, and nobody knew where the hell Spy went at night. A living room, kitchen, and bathroom was all that embellished the space. And with today's loss, it'd be best that respawn be kept on through the night.

Sniper could stand the place enough for dinner and the occasional game, but he'd go crazy any longer than that. He'd be cookin' his own dinner tonight, as a safety measure.

Pyro suddenly dropped his weapons and started sprinting off towards the house with a mumbled yell. Soldier was chasing after him less than a second later, launcher thrown to the ground and helmet bobbing.

"Oh no, your ass isn't taking all the hot water again, that's an order!"

Medic groaned and picked up his pace, medigun dragging on the dirt for a few steps before being abandoned.

"How about saving some for zhe poor medic, huh?"

"Doctor must take care of Scout. I vill take hot shower for you."

Scout was tossed into Medic's arms, and Heavy was running after the first two. Medic huffed and followed, grumbling.

Sniper, Engineer, and Demoman looked to each other, and the surrounding ditched weapons and sacks. Engineer whistled, then hefted Soldier's rocket launcher in hand and started towards the equipment shed.

"I reckon if we pick up after these boys, we can get out've dishes for a week."

"Aye…"

The three of them packed away the team's mess. Sniper regarded Engie as they made their last trip.

"You feelin' up for a chat n' coffee, mate? The cab's got air conditionin', at least."

Engie patted Sniper's shoulder but shook his head.

"Nah, think I'm gonna get to work on a coolin' system for the house. 'Side everyone cookin' like hogs, the sweat's startin' t' rust my hinges."

Sniper nodded, a bit glad honestly. He had the visit of a bloody Spook to prepare for, afterall.

Cross-posted from AO3

I dug up an old idea draft one day, polished it up, and here we are


End file.
